Patent first, profit later.

It's amazing the things you discover when you chat to people.



Today I learned that the most financially successful invention to date is the ring pull. Well, well...
I was chatting to a man [We'll call him Fred]whose job it is to protect the ideas and inventions of Scotland's innovators. He is approached by an average of six people a week convinced that their idea is the Next Big Thing.
Fred told me that only around 10 % of ideas ever come to anything but his job is very interesting. The youngest successful inventor he has dealt with was 12 years old and the oldest 84 so clearly there's time for me to devise some genius improvement to an existing invention or create something utterly new!


I'd also had a chat [yes, I do chat a lot - I hold my hands up to that] with a lady who spends her free time collecting pegs. Yes, you read that right. Pegs.
Pegs that you hang washing out with? Yes, those pegs.

Now, in my ignorance, I didn't think there were too many different types/styles of pegs around but - No! Since I spoke to her I've done a little audit of my own and there's quite a range of style and design. I'm not sure what she plans to do with her collection - presently numbering 40+ apparently - but she assures me it is a useful past time and she enjoys it. Each to their own. You'd never catch me collecting anything obscure or trivial.



For a while I collected books about Alphonse Mucha and Ladybird Well Loved Tales [WLT to those in the know] category 606D, matt finish of course. None of your glossy rubbish. Two separate collections you understand, not a Mucha /WLT combo although frankly were something like that to exist I may well self combust with excitement.



I haven't acquired anything recently but now I'm itching to visit to ebay. I think His Nibs card may be about to take a dent or two.

Mixed bag

Today I shall share with you, dear reader, the further joys of widening one's horizons.
Recently I met a chap who spends his free time rescuing and healing maltreated reptiles. In his tiny house I was introduced to a variety of animals including Sly the redtail boa constrictor and Jackie the... um... lizard. [My memory isn't what it was, sorry.] It was floor to ceiling tanking and care products. Very interesting. Hot and a bit claustrophobic but very interesting.

From him I learned that the main difference between a snake and a lizard is that the snake has no eyelids. Also, to sex a snake one has to insert a rod into a specific hole and see how far up it goes. My eyes were watering at the mere concept.
He also mocked movie style life saving techniques regarding snake bites. "if you suck the venom out into your mouth, you'd be dead quicker than the person who'd been bitten".

I felt all Indiana Jonesy just standing next to him.

A day later I found myself exploring different territory. This time I was accompanying His Nibs to a celebration of Chinese New Year. I knew no-one there except my driver. In a professional setting this is fairly normal but in personal and social terms this is rare for me.

The host and hostess were lovely although I didn't have lengthy conversations with them because there was a fair number of guests. Two of the guests happened to be two company directors and also the bosses of everyone at the party except myself and the hostess. It was quite surreal. The bosses, who could have used the opportunity to build positive relations with the team, completely dominated any and all conversations. The most senior boss regaled everyone with stories ranging from the grand daughter's skill at colouring in, to the traumas of EU legislation on the sale of herbal medicines. Scintillating stuff.
The other boss who happens to be the daughter of the senior boss [ are you still with me?] followed suit with exciting tales of price reductions in garden centres and the intricacies of hanging metallic backed wallpaper. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Thank god for the delicious food.

Perhaps they were genuinely trying to socialise successfully with their employees but I wish we'd had longer to hear the views of the hosts or other guests. Just once even.

It's not the winning...

Have you ever participated in a 'Just for fun' Quiz Night? I don't think there is such a thing. Sure, it may start off being light hearted and jovial but before long jaws will set and answers will be closely guarded.
Tonight I saw grandmothers adopt gangster like behaviour. Ordinary decent people became fevered game players - in all senses.
I, of course, was above such behaviour. I did not, for instance, glare menacingly at small children who knew more about Tweenies than I did. I did not make Psycho style 'whee whee' dagger motions towards rival teams nor did I try to bribe the quizmaster with a bag of boiled sweets and a Ripple. At no time did I mutter decoy answers to the clearly eavesdropping team next to ours. No, none of those things happened. Honest. Well, ok they did.
As it turned out, our team won. We were gracious as we accepted our sparkly goody bags and bestowed humble smiles upon the LOSERS!!!

Given that the goody bags contained a box of sweets, a notebook, a pencil and a glow in the dark stick there's no telling how far we'd go for an actual trophy.

Fitness freak

This little entry is about fitness. A former friend [ Normski] informed me this week that on my next birthday I shall be officially middle aged. Eh? Tis not possible. I've yet to reach my prime. Could I have reached my prime and not noticed? Bugger.

Anyway, I am now entering my third year of 'Keep Fit' so technically I should be lithe, sprightly and energised. In year one, I was presented with a shiny pin badge for joining. In year two, the new year gift was a handy 'shopping trolley fake coin on a key ring' thingy. This year, we got a trendy Eco friendly bag with the corporate logo emblazoned on the side. All very nice thanks but frankly I'd trade them all in for the ability to touch the toes on the ends of my very short legs. I've paid my dues faithfully and grunted with the best of them. But no, I'm still decidedly stecky.

I wouldn't mind so much but there are women at this group, twice my age, who can fold their legs behind their ears while they knit Arran sweaters. I kid you not. There's one lady who bends herself so far she can practically shake hands with everyone in the three back rows. Me? I can hardly bend to get my jazz shoes on.

You may be interested to know that some women make the occasional thrrrrrrrrt kind of noise when they bend over. That came as a great surprise to me. Do you know how hard it is not to laugh when the lady next to you is parping away like a Skoda in a traffic jam? Not easy.

I only agreed to go to the flaming group because you have to be over 40 to join. We were the youngest there by about 20 years. That'll do us. How hard can it be? Hah! Each week I stagger home red faced and breathless - from embarrassment as much as exertion - to find I'm no closer to my toes than I was the week before.

Never mind, perhaps next year they'll give us some Tupperware.

Beer flavoured crisps and other oddities

In the news this week was an item concerning the introduction of new flavours of crisps. Why this became national news I don't know but hey, it makes a change from large scale job losses and fighting in Gaza.

The BBC decided to send its hardiest journalists out on some vital vox pop missions. There was the obligatory traditionalist who didn't see the need for change - ' I'm more a cheese and onion man meseslf'', the cheery but slightly barking pensioner who scoffs Bloody Mary crisps and flirts with the camera man -'ooh they're different aren't they? Quite tasty. Will I get a bit tipsy then..?' and the worryingly intense chap who objected to the Cajun Squirrel crisps because' They do not taste like the squirrel. I have eaten the squirrel and this I know.' He had a touch of the Hannibal Lectors about him, if you ask me but then again my imagination is somewhat prone to extremes.

Like today for instance - His Nibs and I were driving along a country road when a car approached slowly in the opposite direction, hazard lights flashing. It was just creeping along. His Nibs considered why this might be. Could it be towing someone says I? Nope, says he, the other car would have lights flashing. [The following car it transpired was indeed rope free and not being towed by the creeping one in front.] Maybe, says I, there's been a carjacking and the driver is surreptitiously trying to alert us! All very James Bond. His Nibs sighed tolerantly and explained in words of one syllable that that could be a possibility but that the car had only one occupant and he looked pretty burly. He didn't quite pat me on the head but you get the idea. There's a lot of that goes on in our marriage but that's a potential witter fest of epic proportions...

Have li-lo will travel

This afternoon I had the radio on and had the good fortune to catch a particular news item which made me chuckle.
Apparently, two children tried to elope to Africa to get married. Aged six and seven, they planned to have a five year old as their witness. So it was legal, of course.
They'd packed sunglasses, swimming trunks, summer clothes, some provisions and a li-lo. Job done.
While their parents slept, they 'd walked a mile to the tram stop, taken a tram to the railway station which would ultimately have taken them to the airport.
A railway guard alerted police and the children were persuaded to wait a few years since they couldn't go far without money or a ticket. They were given a tour of the local police station instead by way of consolation. Eh? Africa/police station? Hot n sunny meets dingy and crim filled. Surely someone somewhere might have had a more imaginative consolation prize to offer...? Oops I digress.
Now, I have THE most vivid imagination and I could easily picture these little lovebirds [ and their 5 year old witness] toddling along; sunglasses on, li-lo at the ready, hauling their case to sunny Africa. A part of me would have liked them to have made it a bit further. It has the makings of a Frank Capra movie about it. Especially the beautiful metaphor that is the li-lo. Genius.

Forget the credit crunch, forget national disasters...We should have more news items like this.

New beginnings

Well, here we are at the bright, shiny start to the year. Excellent.
Hangovers are subsiding and resolutions are still affixed to fridges in crisp hopefulness. Most people are looking ahead. I'm still somewhat drawn to 2008 though.
Having acquired a bit of a Lurgy I've been stuck indoors for a few days. Cabin fever set in shortly after the Lurgy. His Nibs wanted me to go for a walk but since just getting to the bathroom took me an age we decided against that. In the end we opted for a short stroll across the back garden.
And, since I hadn't washed my hair for four days, our stroll took place at night. In the very, very dark. [Even in the depths of Lurgy vanity is a powerful motivator.] My plan was to have a covert sortie - Ninja style, unbeknownst to the long suffering neighbours who simply don't deserve to have a wild haired, puff eyed wee goblin appear over the fence.
Sadly, I had forgotten our security light which promptly revealed me in all my rumpled dressing gown and snotty tissued glory. I was in no condition to bolt back to the house so if the neighbours did see me they'll likely add my late night stroll to their list of "She's at it again".
Anyway, the plus side of all this was that His Nibs pointed out that there was some new growth in the garden. Some fresh green shoots have appeared on the eucalyptus tree we decided to 'remove' last summer. The tree which had been a lovely specimen had simply grown far too big for the plot. Its reward was to be hacked into oblivion by two lumberjack wannabes. They went at it with saws, axes and assorted choppy things. Jack Nicolson had nothing on them. Much eye darting and Here's Johnny grins later, the beautiful blue green trunk and branches littered the garden. It was like gardening armageddon.
Now however, in the crisp January air, the little shoots are proof that just when you think all is lost, it's not.