Credit crunch and munch

Conferences can sometimes be tiresome but now and again they can be quite fascinating if you like to people watch. I love it.

The theme was financial education at national level. Once we got past the obligatory housekeeping, keynote speakers and workshops we moved onto the most important elements of the programme - Food and Chatting To Other Delegates.



I encountered the smallest ever bowls of soup - without spoons - so should one sip like a cup and risk tomato soup moustache or use a teaspoon and look like Gulliver's maiden aunt? I went with the latter option. For those of you who care, the soup was tepid but tasty.

Holding my plate, cup, napkin and delegate pack proved a challenge of Krypton Factor proportions. Other people seem to manage it with grace and discretion. Not me. So I decided to sit to the side and watch those skilled in the art of networking as they nibble. I felt a bit like Sir David Attenborough.

Here are some species I noted today:

Deep sea angler fish favour a direct approach - single out a target, charge towards but use the plate as a distractor. No actual consumption from the plate takes place. This is a serious networker in action.

Then there's the giraffe. This delegate is identified by repeated craning of the neck to see who else in the room might be more interesting/useful/desirable than the current companion.

Next is the meerkat. This delegate has double checked the itinerary, sussed out the toilets, tested the complementary bonbons, drunk two cups of coffee and sent 15 texts before the other delegates have collected their name tags.

Finally there is the electric eel. This delegate slips sinuously among the others, mouth in a fixed grin but cold, cold eyes. Contact, if any, is fleeting and deadly. Delegates instinctively move aside as the eel passes. Only other eels dare approach directly and unwitting delegates who drift into the eel zone are swiftly and mercilessly despatched.

Oh and the actual theme and content of the conference was interesting too but not really witter material. I'm just wondering which species I would be to any other Sir Davids in the room.