ALTER EGOS

One of my favourite past times is people watching. Not in a freaky, bunny boiling stalker kind of way you understand. Just in a friendly, busybody kind of way.

So, being in a new job with completely new people has been fascinating. The honeymoon period is drawing to a close now I think because the winning smiles are slipping off faces like butter off a warm spud.
It would appear that people can only sustain an image of themselves for a limited time. The duration depends perhaps on the energy and focus of the individual. I come to this conclusion having considered the actions and comments of others around me.

Take Mrs Alabama for instance. She calls herself Mrs although she has never been married. She wishes to be known as Agnes although her real name is Myrtle. She refused categorically to give her National Insurance number to the admin officer because it was 'wholly private'.

Mrs Alabama has hair like an afghan hound but lacks the associated grace of movement. This, she has decided, should be remedied by a personal trainer based at a former army barracks - complete with an authentic army assault course. Thus, every Wednesday she takes her wafting hair and chubby body over the bridge and far away to be shouted at by an ex squaddie with issues. I'm not sure how her hair copes with assault course trauma but the rest of her has had three sprains and a broken bone since she decided to 'get fit'. All this at the tender age of 64 and three quarters - nat ins details notwithstanding.

In addition to her daytime job, Agnes has a nice little sideline going. On evenings other than Wednesday she runs a website for clan related merchandise. She confided to a colleague that she aims to corner the US market in tartan kitch because 'Americans will buy anything with a clan name on it'. Amid a profusion of tea towels, fridge magnets and assorted other teuchter tat she plots world domination in tartan bibs and rompers. [ Ye gods ]

Mrs Alabama isn't alone in her eccentricity however. Mrs Louisiana, who is genuinely married, spends her day rooting through boxes searching for treasure such as fake fur stoles and straw hats. These she wears during tea breaks. Don't ask me why. She's retiring soon and that's probably for the best.

I could fill the entire blogger website with further details but I'll stop for now and return to this shortly. It's a rich seam to mine...